Just this week, world leaders, bigwigs and an assortment of minor celebrities have, once again, agreed to disagree regarding anything pertaining to Climate Change, at the 2020 World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. Meanwhile, locally we have discovered, the very depiction, the human equivalent if you prefer, of this very modern phenomenon. Forget forest fires, the melting of the ice cap or the rising of sea levels, nothing quite sums up the seismic changes brought about by climate change as our very own version of temperature fluctuations.
Cue in Malta’s national treasure, Larry King wannabe and celebrity turncoat (who, in the interest of clarity is a.k.a. ġakbin in Maltese), Lou ’tistgħu tgħiduli x’qed jiġri hawn?’ Bondi. Having ridden on the back of the St Joseph Muscat battlecry of ‘Il-Moviment’, to the tune of a €54,000 salary per annum plus operating expenses, courtesy of you and me, the taxpayers, now finds himself unceremoniously dumped in the wilderness of Maltese politics. A spokesperson for Culture Minister Jose Herrera has just this week confirmed that Lou Bondì’s contract with the Arts Council, a position he has enjoyed since 2013, will not be renewed when it expires in the next few days… which brings us neatly to the phenomenon of the much-touted climate change phenomenon…
Never in the history of mankind, has any one individual, felt the devastating effects of such a stark drop in temperature. One can only imagine and try to empathise with the fellow, who once hailed as the Gozitan wonderkid by in-Nazzjonalisti and a thorn in the side by il-Lejburisti, he is now said to be suffering the traumatic effects of political hypothermia. Having basked for the past glorious six years in the sizzingly warm glow of the St Joseph Muscat’s circle of trust, with a salary package that we, mere mortals, can only have wet dreams about, Lou Bondi is now out in the nut-freezing, butt-clenching, teeth-chattering cold.
And ironically, never in the history of this blessed rock, has one man brought such unity throughout the factions which make up our population. When the news broke that Bondi was out on his ass, a national feeling of schadenfreude (a.k.a ‘ħajja t’Alla, f’għ**x kemm għandu‘ in Maltese, though this is subject to one’s location and/or social class) could be sensed all around the islands, in the streets and on social media. According to prominent Nazzjonalisti, not only is Bondi the vilest of creatures because he could switch allegiance at the drop of a hat, or more realistically at the drop of a €54,000 salary, but he is also known for his extraordinary vanishing act, which has ensured that he was always front and centre whenever in–Nazzjonalisti were in power, only to vanish beneath the radar (or more realistically to Canada) when not.
On the other hand, a collective sigh of relief could be felt on the Lejburisti side of the divide, with many turning to their favourite holy effigy, lighting hundreds of candles in gratitude, thankful that the party is no longer shackled by such an opportunistic parasite, who, in the past, has sought to ridicule and revile, anything and everything that has so much as a whiff of a Lejburisti connotation.
Short of a miracle, as things stand, Mr Bondi will have to once again resort to his infamous posturing and posing, on national television perhaps, irritating the rest of us with his condescending interviews which sought to portray his own sense of self-importance and rarely anything about the interviewee. Well, as one of that rare Maltese breed, the political pariah, the future ahead does not seem too rosy for Lou Bondi, however, we are sure that like every other turd before him, Mr Bondi will manage to somehow keep afloat. Failing that, he could always switch allegiance once more, though we wouldn’t bet on such a felicitous alliance with Carmel Cacopardo perhaps.