With the shocking news that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are contemplating quitting as members of the royal family and relocating abroad, Buckingham Palace is said to be considering all avenues including advertising for replacements.
Although the idea is still in the early stages, a number of well-known couples are said to be ready to throw their hats into the ring.
Harry Rednapp, usually one to avoid publicity, has offered up his son Jamie and his ex-wife Louise as perfect for the role. Speaking from a pie and mash shop Harry likes to be seen in, he said:
‘Her indoors and my dog, Barclay, who handles all my financial matters, both think this could be an earner. Jamie and what’s her name get back together, Hello Magazine handle the publicity, Liz invites them to the palace, the BBC send a crew and then we are talking a full series, a sort of Made in Chelsea cum Towie. With the lolly split 50/50 with Windsor Enterprises Plc, everyone’s a winner.’
According to reports, the palace is determined that whoever is eventually offered the position, they should be British and white. Having experimented with a mixed race American and having suffered from the Wallis Simpson debacle, it’s time to raise the drawbridge and stick with tradition.
Public reaction so far has been good with staunch Royalists said to be particularly delighted. Twin sisters, Doris and Iris Fairbrother, spinsters from Derby, who boast that together they have racked up a combined 10,000 hours standing in the pissing rain to cheer the royal family, have given the idea a big thumbs-up.
Asked who they would like to see join the monarchy, Doris said that she has a soft spot for Richard and Judy, whilst Iris is happy to see whatever her majesty decides. ‘Tell me they are royal and I’ll kiss anybody’s arse,’ she said.
Disclaimer: Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The above article is to be taken in the spirit it was intended… with no offence meant, and tongue firmly in cheek.